why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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