do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
