i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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