his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
