theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
