we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
