sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
