Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Randomize
