There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I need a burrito and a hug.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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