If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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