it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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