Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize