He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
