I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
