Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Watching her eat just hurts me
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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