New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
