I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
