So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
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