In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
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My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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