look no pants
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
