ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
