Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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