I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
we're chasing vodka with high fives
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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