did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
