yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
