Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
