she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
