idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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