His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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