What a fucking waste of an outfit
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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