the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
