Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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