some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
