he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
he quoted the bible to break up with me
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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