he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
