you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
