Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
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