It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
just tell him i said nine months
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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