After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
