He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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