he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
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You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
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He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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