Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
