i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
