I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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