I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Randomize
