Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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