Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
