Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
