NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
