Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
We got so high we made milksteak
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize