dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
