Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
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he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
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I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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