haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
my being single is dangerous.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
