I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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