guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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