Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
