I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
