Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Found your dick twin last night
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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