Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
