So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
