Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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