Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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