Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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