my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I had to cum in my sink.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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